Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The unsettling mystery of Google search terms

From etsy.
Like most small-time bloggers, I spend a great deal of time poring over the page where you can see how many hits you get and where they come from. It's a good place to become very humble, very quickly, especially once you tell Blogger to stop counting your own clicks. Ouch. It can also be a little alarming and confusing.

On this magical page, I can see what people searched for to find my blog on Google. Most of the time, it makes sense and I get why the person went on to visit me (yay!). Sometimes, though, I'm mystified because it doesn't make much sense in relation to what they searched for, but, whatever. If something caught their eye, hurray. I'm just happy for the readership.

These are my favorites, most of which make me a little worried about what kind of statement I'm making about myself on the Internet-Which-Never-Forgets:

Losing bladder control in public (Has not happened to me, yet. Watch this space for updates.)

I'm content with losing (Well, only a little, but I hope I helped whoever else wanted to feel content with losing.)

No one noticed I left, Why I left Facebook (Facebook causes a lot of angst for such an ugly site, as this search term has come up over 135 times since I wrote that post.)

Drawn morbid pictures (I'm guessing they landed here)

Cheetah Zubaz (apparently someone does know what these are)

Alice Cooper sex dream (it was NOT a sex dream, just for the record)

Sarah Hunt panties porn (my god, let's hope they left disappointed)

cincysarah@blogspot.some (3 times) (no doubt this is the result of me typing in my url wrong somewhere, as I am wont to do) (I have no idea why I can't get a bigger audience)

Veggie tales Jesus (I can only imagine the disappointment when they realized there were no talking tomatoes and a severe shortage of messiahs here)

My kid is better than your kid (This makes me wonder if they were looking for others who firmly believe they are raising a small Ghandi or Albert Einstein, or trying to find a mother who actually thinks that way, to yell at. I don't go in for that jazz.)

Erma Bombeck, Erma Bombeck Workshop (Yes, I miss it, too. Please talk to me about it at great length so that we may never fully return to real life.)


Jen said...

Search terms are the best. I get the scariest ones on my gymnastics blog. Let's just say there are a lot of freaks and weirdos out there searching for shit they have no business searching for. :/

Sarah Hunt said...

Yuck. I don't even want to contemplate that too much. :( That's an ugly side of the gymnastics scene, I'm sure.

Jen said...

I'm in your new online writing group. Thought I'd stop by and see your blog. Very funny! I was at the Erma workshop too. I've been thinking about self-publishing for months. Have done a ton of research on it and still don't know what I want to do.
Great to meet you, at least virtually.

Leanna said...

These are great! One of my top search terms is "funny wheelchair."

Sarah Hunt said...

Thanks, Jen :) Nice to meet you, too!

Haha, Leanna. I really feel that I will have to go searching around on your blog to try to figure out the "funny wheelchair" thing.

Leanna said...

Well I did post an Onion picture of a boy in a wheelchair on a blog post titled "Funny Stuff." I'm more surprised that people search for "funny wheelchair" than the fact that the search term leads to me. Haha.

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